I know this is probably a stupid question. But I see alot of people on the blogs and around the Internet using the term ex-gay and I am confused as to what it means. What exactly does the term ex-gay mean? Does that mean that a person does not have sexual relationships with guys but used to? Or does that mean you no longer are attracted to guys and once were? And if someone is like me and has never had a sexual relationship with a guy but has same sex attractions what does one call himself then? A never-gay who likes guys? lol :)
I just still dont know all the terms I guess. I really do wonder what ex-gay means though if anyone can enlighten me. I just dont know the correct terms or what to call myself I guess.
Hi AJ,
ReplyDeleteThat term is falling out of style with most groups like Exodus, precisely because no one really understood what it meant. I wouldn't be too concerned with the terms you use. Feel free to use whatever conveys what you mean. For most, "Struggle with same sex attractions" fits the bill.
"Ex-gay" is a confusing term that actually seems to have a different definition depending on who you talk to. I think most Christians would say it means "a person does not have sexual relationships with guys but used to". Some people seem to believe it means "you no longer are attracted to guys and once were". Because "ex-gay" is so confusing, I just don't use it myself.
ReplyDeleteEven the word "gay" is confusing, too. Most non-Christians would use the word gay to describe any guy attracted to other guys. Some people, especially older and more conservative Christians, only call a guy "gay" if he is currently in a sexual relationship with another guy. I don't call myself gay to avoid this confusion, but I usually assume most people mean "same-sex attracted" when they say "gay".
You said, "And if someone is like me and has never had a sexual relationship with a guy but has same sex attractions what does one call himself then?" Well, I am in the same situation as you, never having sex with another guy but still attracted. If someone asks me if I am gay, then clearly they are getting personal, so that certainly deserves more than a yes or no answer. I usually just say that I am attracted to guys but as a Christian God helps me not to have sex with guys. In other words, I am celibate but still fighting same-sex attractions.
Thanks Jonathan and MR! Yea its a really confusing term as it seems to mean different things to everyone. I agree with you both and think I will keep saying I struggle with SSA.
ReplyDeleteHere's a post I wrote early last year on labels:
ReplyDeletehttp://carleton1958.xanga.com/690334220/labels-ex-gay-struggle-with-ssa-or-what/
I might write it a bit differently now, but the main thrust would be the same. It often depends on who you're talking to and what the context or purpose of the discussion is.
Another term you may start to hear is "post-gay". Randy Thomas from Exodus sometimes describes himself as a "Christian on a post-gay journey".
I don't like the word "struggle" sometimes as it is used with "struggles with SSA" because it can make it sound negative or more problematic that in might be.
And here's a post by "College Jay" that discusses labels as well:
http://collegejay.blogspot.com/2009/08/they-dont-like-confusion.html
Oh thanks for the links Jeff! And you make a good point about using the word struggle maybe that is the wrong word to use. Although I don't really know what to use in its place. Will have to think about it.
ReplyDeleteAnyways thanks for stopping by I am going to check those links out now!